Apparently my New Years resolution was to start a new hobby and then immediately quit doing it, because I started this blog four months ago and then left it to rot out in the internet like mediocre Chinese food in the back of the fridge. To wit – this blog now smells awful and I should probably throw it away. I won’t though, because I am a vain bastard. So vain in fact, that I was reminded this thing existed when moments ago I was admiring my Twitter profile. Yeah, I do that compulsively from time to time, so what?
Since I have not been updating this thing regularly, he is a series of crash updates that should have happened but didn’t because I am lazy:
1/22/10 – I’ll miss you Conan. Way to end the show on a classy high note. Fuck you, Leno.
1/23/10 – Today I celebrated my birthday at Rosa’s Blues Lounge. During the band’s break, a woman with flaming red curly hair, fake freckles and a cowboy hat walked on stage and presented the bar with a ten minute rendition of “Oh! Susanna” with just her warbled voice and her harmonica. She was most likely high on several drugs, and it was the first time I had ever had a birthday celebration presented by David Lynch. Seriously. It went on for ten minutes! Look at the clock. Ten minutes from now, imagine you had just been listening to a song made popular during the Gold Rush performed by a street crazy and accompanied by off-key harmonica solos the entire time. Happy Birthday!
2/9/10 – Awesome! Google Buzz was unveiled! This will most likely replace Twitter, Facebook, and fossil fuels before the end of next week! I am pretty good at predicting technological trends and I have a great feeling about this. No way will it sit unused by everyone, begging for you to play with it like an abandoned, primary colored puppy.
2/13/10 – For the first time in my life, I paid “market price” for a meal. Apparently, the market in question is located in a future world where inflation is rampant and lobsters are on the brink of extinction.
3/18/10 – It’s March Madness! I don’t care about basketball, I hate college sports and I have never filled out a bracket in my life, but motherfucking GEORGETOWN is going ALL THE WAY! Wooooooo!
3/20/10 – I can bench my weight now. Pretty soon I will be able to throw the elderly into the sun.
3/23/10 – Let’s hear it for mildly effective, fairly uncontroversial health care reform! Let’s also hear it for over-dramatic anguish and hilariously unfounded doomsday predictions from my right-wing friends on Facebook!